


Funny how love is

by crownheartsteacup, Popstar



Series: Tumblr Prompts [11]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben is oblivious, Drunk Sex, Eventual Happy Ending, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Gwil is jealous of Ben and Joe's jokes, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, Joe has no clue, M/M, One Night Stands, Pining, The poor man just wants some love, it starts with porn, the Lucy/Rami is really just there if you squint but I forgot to put it in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 07:09:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18089735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crownheartsteacup/pseuds/crownheartsteacup, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Popstar/pseuds/Popstar
Summary: After the Golden Globes Ben and Gwilym spent the night together. Things aren't quite the same anymore after that. While Gwilym tries to get their friendship back to normal, Ben handles the situation a little differently, joking around with Joe on instagram. When it peaks in the #makeGwiljealous Gwilym finally snaps.





	Funny how love is

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lovely anon on tumblr who gave me the prompt "Stop teasing me so much..." and requested a jealous Gwil. Well... I hope this is what you had in mind, my dearest Nonnie.
> 
> The title is shamelessly stolen from Queen.
> 
> This time I cheated and wrote this little thing together with [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) because it's more fun to write together than alone. <3 (also I didn't know how to write this, I was more than clueless, even though the prompt clearly gave me feelings. Turns out, jealous Gwil isn't my strong suit.)  
> [I also made a moodboard for this, because why not.](http://sassypopstar.tumblr.com/post/183408912142)
> 
>  **Disclaimer** : I don't own anything and this is simply for entertainment. Don't want to hurt anyone's feelings here and am not implying anything - it's just fiction that sprung from my imagination.

With a soft moan, Gwil pulls back from where he’s just been actually sucking a mark into Ben’s skin, right between collar bone and shoulder, hands on Ben’s sides, holding on as his hips pump into him, Ben keening beneath him. It feels fucking amazing to be buried inside Ben like this, to fuck him into the hotel mattress, Ben’s hands scrambling over Gwil's back and holding on desperately as Gwil snaps his hips just how he seems to like it.

When they’ve danced at the after party of the Golden Globes, it had seemed like the usual joking around as Ben has wrapped his arms around Gwil’s shoulders and grinded on him, biting his lip and flashing him a cheeky smile but now that they are actually back in his room, kissing and fucking and doing everything Gwil would have never imagined actually happing outside his daydreams, he’s at a loss for words. He just keeps moaning, panting and rolling his hips into Ben’s, breathlessly whispering out soft praise how good he feels.

The praise seems to urge Ben on even more and he throws his head back, arching his back as he pushes back into Gwil’s thrusts, moaning loudly and begging for more. Gwil would have never dared to think that Ben was this loud in bed, this vocal to beg and ask for more. 

In turn the way Ben is giving himself over completely, trusting Gwil so openly and blindly and begging for more and more turns Gwil on even more than he can voice and he complies when Ben asks to be fucked harder and faster, snapping his hips in an even faster pace. It’s relentless and Gwil isn’t half as fit as he would like to be to keep this amount of workout up. But with the way Ben’s moans turn louder and one of his hands move to his own cock to wank himself while Gwil fuck’s into him, it's not going to take him long to come.

“I’m gonna come. Oh god, I’m gonna come.” Ben’s words get almost lost in his loud moans, his hand working fast on his dick and then his body is shaking under Gwil, his orgasm ripping through him, unexpected, making him moan even louder, his back arched off the bed as he comes all over his stomach. It’s a sight for sore eyes. He looks like absolute sin.

Gwil fucks him through it, pumping his hips vigorously, chasing his own orgasm as Ben moans underneath him. He pulls out the last moment, pulling off the condom and coming all over Ben’s stomach, his come dirtying up Ben even more. He looks fucking perfect to Gwil, like every wet dream come true.

Ben pulls him down afterwards and licks into his mouth, his hand sliding into Gwil’s hair, making him moan softly into the kiss. The man under him is sex on two legs, that's for sure. When they break apart again Ben smiles up at him and bites his lower lip, giving Gwil a flirty look. “Wow,” he breathes out, one hand gently rubbing down over Gwil’s back.

Gwil nods in agreement, still panting hard as he gives in and slumps against Ben. “You are fucking amazing,” he murmurs breathlessly. “And fucking loud. I love it.”

Ben grunts a little when Gwil drops on him but wraps his arms around him anyway. “Mhm.” He hums and presses a sloppy kiss to Gwil's temple.

“Loud,” Gwil just repeats, running his hand over Ben’s side, chuckling a little when he wipes through the come. “You are a mess. A really hot mess, though,” he murmurs, turning his head to press another kiss to Ben’s lips.

Ben opens his lips to deepen the kiss, licking into Gwil’s mouth as he pushes his hands into Gwil’s hair again. “’M gonna fall asleep,” he mumbles then, eyes closed in bliss. He goes slack under him then, mouth hanging open, as he actually falls asleep mid kiss.

Gwil lets out a rather unattractive snort, then giggles and moves off Ben so he doesn’t completely crush him, just wraps himself around him slightly from the side and closes his eyes. He should get out of bed and get a cloth to wipe Ben down but his limbs feel more than heavy and he barely manages to pull the blanket over them. He still can’t believe he actually had sex with Ben. He can’t help the soft smile that steals its way onto his lips before he finally falls asleep as well, the amount of alcohol and the adrenaline pulling him under rather quickly.

When Gwil wakes up the next morning he feels like something knocked him on the head the day before. He groans and buries his face a little more in the pillow, his arm reaching out to the other side of the bed. Instead of warm skin he only feels cold sheets under his fingertips, making him finally blink his eyes open.

The other side of the bed is empty. Ben is gone.

With a groan, he sits up; blinking against the disgusting, gritty feeling he gets from sleeping with his lenses in, looking around the room. There's no trace of Ben anywhere, no clothes where they’ve dropped them on the floor, only Gwil’s suit crumpled in one corner.

His stomach turns slightly and he fights against the nausea quelling up for a moment, then stumbles out of the bed into the bathroom. He skin feels dry and tacky and his shoulders still ache where Ben scratched him last night but right now he really needs to get these lenses out before he does anything further.

Once that's done, he takes in his face in the mirror. He looks pale, thanks to the hangover he definitely has, but there’s something else to him, something about him that just screams freshly shagged. With a groan he turns away from the mirror, heading into the shower to get cleaned up and clear up his mind, at least somehow. He knows he didn't imagine falling into bed with Ben last night. The evidence is too prominent for that and he definitely remembers the way Ben moaned under him, moved against him, with him. He vividly remembers the amazing sex they had. With a groan Gwil closes his eyes and turns his head into the spray to let the warm water run over him and wash away the evidence of the night before.

He can’t believe that Ben would just run away after last night. After everything they did together, they experienced and the friendship they formed. Gwil deserves better, at least for that. Of course, Ben doesn't know, can't know about Gwil’s feelings, because he never told him, or anyone, about it. But it’s a matter of respect. They know each other. They are friends.

As he towels himself down, he lets out another sigh, realizing only now that he’s supposed to meet the others for an after-awards-brunch in half an hour. Quickly, he puts on his glasses instead, slipping into comfortable and baggy clothing and refrains from just crawling back into bed like he really wants to. Especially since the sheets are still dirty and probably reek of sex. Sex with Ben. Who he’ll have to face in the midst of the others as last night still replays on his mind.

He has just sat down in the sitting area of his hotel room to check up on instagram when a knock at the door makes him look up. He's still got fifteen minutes before he needs to leave and he doubts Joe would want to pick him up. It must be room service wanting to clean the room already.

When he opens the door though he’s staring straight at Ben’s face. He looks a bit tired, but still as good as the night before, and he gives Gwil a sheepish look. “Hey,” he says quietly and nods inside. “Do you have a minute? We should probably talk.”

Wordlessly, Gwil steps aside and lets Ben in. He doesn't feel ashamed about not cleaning up for once, still too grumpy and too miserable about waking up alone to do any of that. “So.. Good morning?” He offers awkwardly.

“Good morning,” Ben replies quietly as he steps into the room, looking around for a moment. An awkward silence stretches out between them, something that has never happened before. Eventually Ben turns around, his eyes coming to rest on Gwil. “Sorry I ran on you. I just... I didn’t know what to do and got scared, so I ran.” He pushes his hands in the pockets of his jeans and shrugs. “And you don’t deserve to wake up alone after last night. But... I mean, we can both agree that this was just a drunk mistake, right? I’m not gay, bi, whatever. I... don’t know what happened and how it happened? I never had sex with a man before. And I... I don’t plan on doing it again. It’s... we’re friends. And this shouldn’t come between us.”

Gwil swallows heavily at that. Somehow that’s what he expected to hear when he found Ben gone this morning, or at least some extend of it, but it fucking hurts nonetheless. Especially considering he’s not even giving him an option for an answer, basically throwing it at Gwil’s head that he was his first time with a man, too, just a minor detail that Ben mentions now. First and only time with a man. And no homo. What’s a little sex between drunken friends?

Of course Ben can’t know what these words do to Gwil, that Gwil has basically been pining after him for nearly a year by now, thinking he’d never have a chance anyway and then last night happened, only to leave him more than crushed now.

“Uh. Yeah. Sure. A drunken mistake, definitely,” Gwil repeats belatedly, trying to play it cool.

Ben gives him a small smile and tilts his head. He looks almost a little ashamed. “I threw myself at you and I used the fact that you’re bi and told me that you haven’t had sex in a while. I shouldn’t have used the knowledge. I’m sorry. I took advantage of you to get off myself and maybe be a little adventurous and that’s nothing one should do to a friend.” He looks down at his feet. “You don’t deserve to be treated this shitty. You're a good guy, and an even better friend.”

“And apparently a crappy lover,” Gwil jokes, even though he can easily tell his joke is falling flat. Before Ben can answer with any kind of platitude to that, though, he barrels on. “Thank you for apologising, Ben. Like you said, let’s just forget it ever happened.”

Ben frowns at him before he takes a step towards him. “So we're good?” He asks, giving him a hopeful look, clearly hoping for a hug.

Gwil has to swallow, but he nods anyway. “Yes, sure,” he agrees and steps up to wrap Ben up in a hug. “We'll always be good, Ben.”

Immediately Ben’s arms come to wrap around Gwil and he hugs him close, burying his face against his shoulder for a moment. “You’re the best.”

Gwil just stays silent at that, closing his eyes in pain as he hugs Ben back, one hand lightly rubbing over his back before he takes a deep breath and steps back. “Brunch now?”

Ben smiles up at him and nods. “Yeah, good idea.” He pats Gwil’s back and then steps away from him to open the door. “The others are probably waiting already.” He still doesn’t look like his old self but he seems a lot more relieved and Gwil wants to throw him out and stay in his hotel room all by himself. But he can’t. He'll have to power through it and smile and make sure that he’s pretending that everything is alright. A few more days. That’s all he has to manage before he has to fly back to London for work. Ben will stay in LA with the others until the SAG awards, as far as Gwil knows, but maybe the distance will help a little.

Gwil makes sure to grab his key card and his phone, as well as his wallet and heads out after Ben. “Do you... want to have a smoke first or something? I’ll let the others know you stepped out for a quick one,” he offers as they make their way to the lifts, noticing Ben’s twitching fingers.

Ben gives him a thankful smile and nods. “Yeah. That’d be great. Thanks. Save me a seat?” He asks as they step into the lift and he presses the button for the ground floor.

Gwil just nods. “Sure, no problem,” he agrees, avoiding Ben’s gaze in the mirror of the lift, but when he glances up he notices Ben doing the same, resolutely looking at the lighter he’s gotten out of his pocket. They stay silent until they reach ground level, then wordlessly part ways with exchanging a small glance, Gwil heading off towards the restaurant of the hotel while Ben heads outside for a smoke.

“There he is. I thought you’d never turn up.” Joe grins at him and points at his wrist where Gwil wears his watch. “Did you forget the time or is the hangover that bad?” He pats the chair next to him.

Rami snorts at that while Lucy just rolls her eyes. “That’s not a greeting. Good morning Gwil. Did you sleep well?”

Gwil slumps into the seat next to Joe, tilting over so he can rest his head against Joe’s shoulder. “Hangover,” he admits freely and makes grabby hand for the carafe of coffee on the table. “Ben says morning, too and is having a smoke, he’ll be here shortly, I think. He said something along the lines, we took the lift down together,” he tells the table, only dispatching himself from Joe far enough to pour himself some coffee and have a sip. He’ll just play up the hangover, which isn’t very hard to do, to cover for the fact that he’s mostly feeling horrific about last night and especially this morning.

“How can he have a smoke now, after all this alcohol?” Joe makes a disgusted face. “I’ll never understand young people.” He pats Gwil's back gently. “No worries, Gwil, we’ve got you covered with more coffee. I’m going to need this, too.”

Gwil is more than happy that Joe keeps on rambling and talking, which means that he doesn’t have to say much. It doesn’t take long until Ben joins them as well though and he takes a seat on Joe’s other side, quite obviously a bit relieved that he doesn’t have to sit next to Gwil, if Gwil reads him right. However Gwil is more than relieved about that as well. He definitely is going back to bed once room service did their magic and put on fresh sheets, hopefully, so he can grab some more sleep. And maybe hide under the covers and not come out until he's got to meet up with the others again.

Somehow, he makes it through brunch and once his stomach has finished rolling, he is actually able to have some food and enjoy it, too, before they disband once more with plans to meet up in the evening, especially since Roger and Brian have invited them all for a dinner to celebrate the win.

He knows he’s probably being silly, but Gwil doesn’t feel like celebrating their massive win at the Golden Globes anymore, the morning after having left a bitter aftertaste about celebrating their win. Nonetheless, he knows he’ll be there, that he’ll be happy to spend the night with Brian and Roger who have become like family through this whole experience. And he’ll be more than happy to celebrate Rami as well, who definitely has deserved his big win more than anything.

Once he had a nap and manages to catch some much needed sleep he feels a bit better and brave enough to face the internet. He is confronted with the picture he posted the night before, Ben and him with the golden globe and he frowns at the screen. He would love to delete it but he knows that it’s all over the internet now anyway he’s got to be an adult about it. He’s not able to change Ben’s mind anyway. Even if the fact that Ben just dumped it on Gwil that it was his first time with a man doesn’t sit right with Gwil either. He would have taken more time, would’ve made sure that Ben is thoroughly prepped and enjoyed himself, if he’d known. Sure, with the way he has been moaning and begging he seemed like he did enjoy himself quite well. But Gwil would have wanted Ben’s first time to be different. Better.

He gets dressed once more, making sure he looks nice and that he’s styled properly before heading out to knock on Joe’s door to pick him up for the night out. Thankfully, the company for the evening leaves nothing to be desired and he’s plenty distracted from Ben, who is more or less seated out of his view, at the same side of the table but several seats down the row so Gwil can easily enjoy the evening, chatting and joking around with the people around him.

Somehow, they make it back to the hotel and into their rooms without it being awkward and by the time Gwil curls up in his hotel bed, he has calmed down a little. He'll make it through the next few days somehow without anyone noticing he’s feeling pretty guilty around Ben right now. Because despite what Ben said about taking advantage of Gwil in their drunken state, Gwil feels like it was the other way around, like he was the one who took advantage of Ben. Ben, who’s not even into men, as he has said more than clear, and who clearly thinks of the night as a big mistake. He will have to live with it though and make sure that their friendship doesn’t suffer too much, and especially Joe doesn’t suspect a thing. He’ll still joke around with them on instagram and in real life, no matter how much it’ll hurt. 

Gwil will take what Ben can give him and if it’s only friendship, then he’ll gladly take that.

He feels a little guilty when he’s glad to be leaving for London for a bit, saying his goodbyes to the rest of the gang with long hugs and some cheek kisses for Lucy, still trying to act as normal as possible. Only once he’s back in his own flat, he allows himself to let the feeling of being miserable overtake and he wallows around in his bed for a day, watching sad movies in his pyjamas on the couch on the next and drinking endless amounts of tea.

As silly as it sounds, it does help to just let it out that he’s miserable with the situation and once he’s spend two days just living that, he manages to buckle up and go on. He uses the new found energy to clean up and air out his flat a little, go through his washing, starting a machine and taking several things to the dry cleaners, the routine of doing everyday stuff calming him down a lot.

Ben's post on instagram with Joe comes out of nowhere though and it hurts Gwil more than he wants to admit. He stares at it, taking in the caption that Joe is apparently an even better view than the one in front of him, and it makes his heart ache a little. Of course it’s a joke. He knows it is. But now, on top of his feelings for Ben, the guilt and the confusion, there is also the jealousy that he isn't there with them. That he’s not in on the joke.

It’s silly but it takes him a while to reply, trying to think of something witty, even though he fails miserably. 

Of course Joe doesn’t suspect anything, he just teases Gwil a little bit via WhatsApp, probably thinking that he’s just a bit jealous and has a serious case of fomo. Gwil does his best to joke back on the app, but he knows he’s probably acting a little weird. Thankfully Joe doesn’t say anything to that, keeping up his banter in the little band WhatsApp group and before he knows what’s happening, Gwil is back on a plane towards America to meet up with them once more.

Before, he has had separate little discussions with everyone on his phone but ever since that fateful night, how Gwil has started thinking of it by now, there’s been complete silence from Ben apart from their group chat and Gwil has accepted that and done the same, not contacting him either. It makes him feel anxious, though, about going back to seeing them once more, at another award show, knowing he’ll have to act completely normal.

He’s almost dreading it, but meeting up with the others takes his fear away a bit. Joe hugs him so tightly it almost knocks the air out of his lungs and Rami piles just in on the hug, before Ben joins as well. Allen doesn’t want to miss out either and wiggles his way in, too, making Gwil laugh. It makes greeting Ben so much easier, so Gwil doesn’t have to hug him all by himself, and Gwil gets to avoid an awkward greeting.

The joke Joe and Ben have started on instagram continues on the red carpet as well as Joe tries to separate Gwil and Ben, trying to push Gwil away and out of the photo. It makes Gwil laugh in the end when he’s standing next to them, but there is still a weird feeling spreading out in Gwil's stomach, no matter how much he tries to laugh it off. In the end Joe pulls him in as well, so they can all pose together for the photo and they make their way down the red carpet together, laughing and joking around. Joe and Ben still tease Gwil about his jealousy and even though all of it is a joke, it doesn’t sit right with Gwil, not with everything that has happened. Still, he does his best to joke along, even if every word feels fake. Thankfully, though, it gets easier the longer he is around the others who seem to pick up on the changed dynamics, even though neither of them points out anything.

Somehow he makes it through the awards and once he’s had a few drinks at the after party, he can feel himself relax more and more, wrapping his arms around Ben’s and Joe’s shoulders, pushing himself between them and demanding their attention. Ben seems a lot more loosened up as well and he is seeking out Gwil’s closeness more and more. He jokes around with him and keeps touching him, quite obviously forgetting that something happened between them a few weeks before.

It hurts to see that Ben needs alcohol to be himself around Gwil again but Gwil is taking whatever Ben offers and if it’s only under the influence of booze, well, then he will have to live with it. And if Gwil is really honest, he’s not much better, needing the liquid courage to relax around Ben into his old self as well. He pulls Ben close nonetheless, allowing himself to feel like things haven’t changed, giving him a squeezing hug before letting go and burrowing against Allen’s side instead and demanding his attention.

They have a fun night, all together, celebrating another win, quite proud of Rami. Funnily enough, Joe can’t stop trying to smack kisses to Rami’s cheek the whole night, both Rami and Lucy batting him away playfully and siccing him on Ben instead which thanks to the alcohol isn’t as hard to watch for Gwil.

When he wakes up the next morning, he is once again hungover and he’s pretty sure he’s not the only one, considering how much they all had last night. As it turns out, he is not alone with his predictions and they sit at the breakfast table together, all of them yawning and nursing their hangovers. It takes them all quite a while to get back on track but once they are, they are back to being their chatty selves.

Ben seems a lot better as well, not as distant as before anymore and it makes Gwil feel a little better, even though it’s still not what he wants for himself, or Ben. But it’s good to see that they can go back to being friends again, no matter how much it hurts him. He doesn't want to lose Ben and he's got the feeling that it was quite the close call after their disaster of a night and morning after. 

He’s got to leave for the Sundance Film Festival to promote another movie that's going to premiere there, the others once again staying together. Again he feels a bit bad that he’s relieved that he’s got to leave, but he’s also looking forward to seeing the Top End Wedding crew after quite some time and he is proud of that movie, so he is definitely looking forward to that.

Gwil takes the opportunity to upload several pictures, letting the others and maybe especially Ben know he’s having fun without them, too. Of course, as usual, Joe is the one to react the most, sending Gwil several messages, both separately and in the group chat, where Ben happily pipes in as well, telling Gwil that it can’t be any fun he’s having, returning to their unusual banter.

By the time he returns from the Film Festival, it’s nearly time for the BAFTAs and he’s more than excited to finally go to the award ceremony. He has just returned to his flat after picking up his suit, having a moment of relaxing on the couch, scrolling through his phone when a notification pops up, showing him a new video from Joe on Instagram.

It shows Joe in bed and Gwil is already snickering because he knows what is coming. He’s done it before, a video like this, so Gwil isn’t surprised when Cardboard Ben comes into view. He laughs to himself already but then the camera shifts and Ben comes into view, murmuring "Hey buddy" in a husky voice.

And while Gwil knows that this is just a joke, it doesn’t sit right with him, leaving a stinging jealousy within him as he watches the video and then finally how Joe pulls the blanket over them.

God. Ben has looked at him like that as well, not that badly acted, of course. Ben’s lust for him had been real, or at least seemed to be convincing at the time. And Gwil can’t help but think about their night together, his thoughts immediately going back to Ben under him on the bed. Gwil still remembers how Ben as moaned and trembled when Gwil has kissed his tattoo, making him arch into the touch, clearly sensitive there. 

He doesn’t like the video and doesn’t leave a comment, mainly because he doesn’t want to. He hates the fact that they are playing these jokes and that it’s got such a strong effect on him. He’s a grown man and he should not let something like that affect him, but he can’t help but wonder if Ben had a regrettable night with Joe as well. Even if that’s a stupid thought. Gwil knows it. He’s bitter about it, mostly. He wants to get the friendship with Ben back; the uncomplicated way they had spent time together. Or maybe, if Ben had been willing, they could have become more. But Ben decided against it, decided that he didn’t want it and left Gwil to accept and live with the decision, even though he’d either want more; or wants to take everything back. Either or, Gwil is confused and bitter and has a lot of thoughts running through his head. Especially about Ben and Joe and the thought of them giggling together in a hotel bed in LA.

That’s still on the back of his mind when Ben texts Gwil to let him know that he’s back in London as well with Joe in tow, Rami and Lucy arriving as well the next day.

Out of pettiness Gwil takes his time responding, busying himself with everything else before finally texting back a quick “Okay, good to know.” Nothing further. He’s being childish, but his stomach is churning.

Ben doesn’t seem to mind though and just sends back a bunch of emojis. In the end Gwil overcomes his stupid jealousy enough to meet up with Joe and Ben anyway and once he is with them the thought about the two of them together, joking around like that doesn’t hit him as hard anymore. It’s good to see Ben again and he looks good as well, having gained a bit of weight over the past weeks. Gwil knows how Ben likes to eat and laze around in his free time and, in his eyes, it makes him even more attractive. But Gwil knows that his lust and longing for Ben has to be kept down and he has to hold back. 

They spend a fun evening together anyway, before returning to their respective homes in a timely manner, ready to go to bed and get enough sleep so they are ready for the award show the next day. 

It feels silly, but somehow, this feels different. And not because it’s on their home turf, because it’s the bloody BAFTAs, but because it feels like slowly but surely, their time is coming to an end as the award season is running out. And Gwil knows he should enjoy that, enjoy every second he still has with this amazing bunch of people. 

They get ready and primped together the next day, everyone camping out in Joe’s hotel room for the reason and Gwil can’t stop grinning at them, no matter that he’s one again acting like an idiot. He’s looking forward to going to the ceremony so much. He’s prouder than ever.

Ben grins back at him and waggles his eyebrows. “It’s the bloody BAFTAs,” he tells him, unknowingly reciting Gwil’s thoughts. “I mean, I always wanted to be here, and now...” He grins a little more and takes a sip of the coke he’s got from bloody McDonald’s.

Gwil nods at that, completely understanding Ben. It’s something different for their Americans, but to him and Ben, the BAFTAs are something they’ve grown up with, that they’ve aspired to be a part of. Or at least it has been for him, he thinks with a fond look at his cufflinks and he suspects it might be the same for Ben. 

With the way Ben is smiling and talking and clearly trying to hide the fact that he is more than nervous Gwil can’t help the fond smile that spreads out over his face as he watches him. The realisation hits him harder than he would have wanted. But he’s in love with him. He is really bloody in love with his friend. The same friend he’s had an one nightstand with that didn’t mean anything according to him. 

Gwil barely stifles a groan. 

A crush, something similar to love, that’s something he can handle. He can overcome something like that. But full on love? He is doomed. He definitely is. And he just wants Ben to want him back, and if not in a sexual manner, then at least in a way that would make them go back to the way things were before they had their fateful night. It’s silly, but for Gwil it would be enough if Ben would joke around with him just as much as he does with Joe. But it’s clear that he is still not fully comfortable around Gwil just yet, not after all that has happened between them and he doesn’t quite know if they will ever go back to being that close again. 

Still, once they are in the car and Joe and Ben laugh around in the backseat, taking pictures, Gwil tries not to show his true feelings, instead insists on butting in and uploading a picture including himself, demanding their attention the only way he knows now. They sit still for the picture he takes and he thinks of a witty caption to slap over in his instagram story and uploads it when notices that Ben uploaded one as well. 

Betrayed he turns in his seat. “I’m here as well, you know!” He calls out, by now more than a little annoyed about the fact that they deliberately shut him out. Not just Joe, but quite obviously Ben as well.

He bickers a little with Joe, who probably still thinks it’s all fun and games, and then Ben gets that on video, and Gwil can’t help up flip him off before he turns back around in his seat. Ben uploads the video, too and snickers to himself. “It’s just a bit of fun, Gwil. We’re just having a laugh,” he tells him and shakes his head, reaching out to pat Gwil’s shoulder lightly. 

Trouble is, rationally he knows they are. He knows it. But he still feels jealous. Still feels like Ben and he will never get the easiness back they’ve once had and it hurts him almost more than the rejection itself because if Gwil could go back in time and change what he did that night, he would. He would stop himself from sleeping with Ben; no matter how great the sex was, if he could just get back what they had. 

Thankfully, none of these thoughts seem to show on his face as Ben tucks himself under Gwil’s arm on the red carpet, demanding his attention and publicly choosing Gwil over Joe this time. And as silly as he knows it is, Gwil plays it up easily, tightening his arm around Ben and playfully pushing Joe away, the three of them acting it up for the cameras, but Gwil can’t help but feel smug over Ben sticking to his side for the event. Not to mention that he looks amazing in his suit and that he feels right against Gwil’s side. 

It’s been a while since he tucked himself under Gwil’s arm and he clearly seems to enjoy it quite a lot. It’s a nice feeling and Gwil wants to bask in it, even though he can’t because they have to continue and make their way inside. 

In the end, Rami wins the BAFTA for best lead actor and they celebrate him accordingly, tackling him in the promised hug and party through the night. Again, Ben seeks out Gwil’s presence, sticking close to him and making sure that he keeps touching him. For someone who has said that their sex was a big mistake he’s sending out quite the mixed signals with the way he keeps flirting with Gwil, throwing him little looks as he bites his lip.

Gwil basks in the attention though, and almost feels ashamed for it, as he lets Ben stay close the whole night and even agrees to dancing with him once more. After all, they said they wanted to go back to normal and be friends, and they’ve definitely done this before as friends, before they had their fateful night together.

Again, Ben ends up grinding on Gwil, his gaze locked with his and a flirty look on his face. It shouldn’t be such a turn on but Gwil is drunk, his ambitions lowered and he enjoys this quite more than he should as his hands settle on Ben’s hips, giving them a gentle squeeze.

Ben bites his lip, grinding down a little harder on Gwil’s thigh and he leans forward, bringing one hand up into his neck. His fingers stroke over the sensitive skin, sending a pleasant shiver down over Gwil’s spine and he pulls Ben in a little closer. He goes easily, leaning up a little until his lips almost connect with Gwil’s ear. “Want to get out of here?”

Gwil pulls his head back at the words, shaking it and frowning lightly at Ben. He’s not making the same mistake twice; no matter how hot and bloody seductive Ben is looking right now. Not gay. Not even bi. The words resound in his mind. 

“No,” he mumbles, feeling his whole body go numb as he pulls back from Ben, a frown still on his face, looking around for a distraction so Ben won’t notice how upset Gwil is starting to feel. 

“Gwil...” Ben, who seems to realise what he did, reaches out to squeeze Gwil’s arm gently. “I’m sorry.” He pushes himself back into Gwil’s view and frowns up at him. “I don’t know what... Sorry.” With that he pulls away from him and turns around, leaving Gwil standing there on the middle of the dance floor as he makes his way through the dancing people. 

Gwil’s gaze follows him until he loses track of him since Ben went outside, probably to have a smoke, and he turns away as well, making his way to the bar. He needs a drink. A strong one. The thought that Ben would so easily risk their friendship again, over a bit of fun, doesn’t sit right with him. It makes his whole body ache. He can’t believe Ben would do something like that to him. That he obviously means so little to him. 

He has just ordered a stiff drink when a pair of arms wrap around him from behind and a warm body slumps against Gwil’s back, making him go tense all over again until he realises it’s Rami. “Man of the night,” he greets, turning so he can get an arm around Rami in return. “You having fun?”

“Of course.” Rami immediately beams up at him. “You too? You seem a bit tense.” He rubs over Gwil’s back and keeps close, the ever calming presence. Gwilym hasn’t seen Rami as much as he would’ve like in these last weeks, months even, and he’s missed him. 

“All the better now that you’re here,” Gwil replies honestly, moving into the hug a bit more. “Where’s your other half? I expected the two of you on the dance floor.”

“Oh, she’s mingling.” Rami smiles, leaning his head on Gwil’s shoulder for a moment. “I’ve missed you. We haven’t talked much in the last weeks. I’m sorry. Are you good? Anything interesting that has happened that I should know?” His eyes sparkle a little and Gwil tilts his head to the side. Rami can’t know. He just can’t. He has really tried to keep everything to himself and while Rami might suspect something, he can hardly know that something happened between Gwil and Ben. And yet Gwil still feels called out. 

He sighs and shakes his head, taking a sip of his drink. “No, not really. Nothing new and exciting in my life,” he tells Rami and rubs his back gently. “Except that this movie about a band I did is doing pretty amazing and we’re even going to the Oscars. And my friend got a bloody BAFTA as best lead actor,” he adds grinning widely at him. 

Rami beams back at him and wraps his arms around him in a tight hug once more. “I couldn’t have done it without you. All of you. I mean it. You deserve this as much as I do.” He leans back again to smile up at him and it’s so pure, so sincere that it makes Gwil’s heart ache a little. He doesn’t want their little journey to end. It’s something he wants to cling to for the rest of his life. He just wants to keep his boys with him forever. Their friendship means the world to him and it drove it home how fragile something like this is, how easily a drunken mistake could just ruin everything. 

Gwil brings up a hand to squeeze Rami’s shoulder gently. “But you really, really deserve it, Rami. You did amazing. We all did.” He smiles down at him, feeling more than a little emotional, and the alcohol amplifying his emotions. 

“Boys,” Lucy interrupts them, beaming at them as she appears at their side, burrowing into their hug as well, kissing Rami’s cheek and then going on her tiptoes to do the same to Gwil. 

Rami watches that with a fond smile and then points one finger in Gwil’s face. “Don’t you dare. If you start crying I will cry too.”

Lucy giggles softly and shakes her head a little. “You two are the biggest softies." She squeezes them, her fingers digging a little into his sides. “The biggest.” Then she looks around before her gaze comes to rest on Gwil’s again. “Where are your two boyfriends?”

Gwil nearly flinches at that, but manages to turn the movement into a shrug. “Probably taking pictures somewhere,” he answers, trying not to sound too bitter. “Or dancing,” he adds on. “As we should. Luce, dance with me?”

Lucy smiles and nods. “Of course!” She holds out her hand for him to take, winks to Rami and then pulls Gwil onto the dance floor. 

It’s good to dance with Lucy, mostly silly, but she takes his mind off Ben for a moment until Rami asks to join in and then takes over from Gwilym. Of course he lets them have the dance and makes his way back to the bar where he finds some other people of their crew and celebrates with them. In the end he doesn’t think too much of Ben anymore, keeps himself distracted enough that the blonde doesn’t cross his mind.

But when it’s finally time to leave and he spots Ben and Joe, their heads stuck together and the two of them giggling happily with each other, Gwil can’t help but feel bitter again. He’s so stupid for feeling like this, he knows it. But he can’t help his feelings. And he would give a lot to get his carefree attitude towards them back. That he doesn’t care about being teased. But he always thinks about Ben and how easily he seems to have forgotten his announcement that sex between them would never happen again. That he’s not gay, not bi. 

In the end Gwil turns away and says goodbye to the people he finds near him before he gets in the car that is provided for him. He doesn’t say goodbye to Ben or Joe and even though he feels bad about it he can’t help but thinking that this is the best he can do. Once again, Gwil curls up at home in his bed, alone and full of resentment at himself for being so bitter and stupid about the whole situation. 

He switches his phone to silent and puts it onto the nightstand face down so he won’t see if it lights up with a message or notification. His stomach feels tight at the thought of Ben, of the way he’d been grinding on Gwil earlier, the easy throwaway comment about taking it elsewhere and before he knows it, Gwil has stumbled out of bed once more and barely makes it to the bathroom before throwing up. Great. His first BAFTAs and he finishes the night miserable and alone, hugging his toilet. 

Sometime later he finally makes it back to bed, having washed his face and brushed his teeth repeatedly, falling into an exhausted and restless slumber. 

When he wakes up the next morning he feels miserable and even worse than before. On top of his jealousy, nausea from the night before and the hangover that’s hanging over him, he also feels shame creeping up on him, making him groan and bury his face into the pillow. He can’t believe he acted like that. Like a jealous teenager who doesn’t know where his place in the world is. He thought he was way past this stage now, being in his thirties, but he felt so petty the night before, and he wants to take it back, wants to celebrate with his friends again and enjoy the limited time they have together before this journey ends. He doesn’t want to be someone who lets something like a stupid mistake stand between them. He wants to be the bigger and better man. He can adult his way through this. He’s a grown-up.

With a groan he finally sits up and then makes his way out of the bed and to the bathroom. After he has showered and brushed his teeth he feels like a human being again, enough to make himself a coffee and grab his phone from the nightstand to check up on what he has missed.

He flinches physically when he spots the notification that Ben made a post but he braves through it and swipes right, opening instagram and the post. It’s a video of Joe dancing, silly as ever, and Ben laughs slightly while he takes the video. This has clearly been taken outside and judging from the time Ben posted it, it was after their little encounter on the dance floor. Of course he’s jealous, there’s no use denying it, but at least it’s nice to see that his turning Ben down and his bad mood hasn’t affected them in having their fun. Still. It hurts Gwil to see that he’s been so easily replaced by Joe once more. 

He doesn’t like the post, mainly because he still feels jealous and bitter. He’s torn between laughing about himself and basking in his misery when his phone lights up with a text from Rami who invites all of them to dinner that night. Of course Gwil is quick to reply that he’s looking forward to being there. He doesn’t want the others to notice how miserable he is. Especially not Rami, who should celebrate his award. Gwil can push through one more night.

Just as he is about to put down his phone again, the screen lights up with another notification from instagram, this time about Joe’s newest post. Gwil bites his lip, contemplating for a moment and then swipes right to open the app and the post.

It’s a picture from the day before as they’ve been getting ready, clearly, both Joe and Ben suited up already and while Joe is holding a glass of champagne or something else bubbly, Ben is using his McDonalds cup to clink their “glasses” together, the two of them staring at each other. It’s not the picture itself that makes Gwil swallow, it’s actually the caption. #makeGwiljealous is the last hashtag Joe has used and while it’s of course, once again, a joke, it sure as hell doesn’t feel like one. 

Not with the way Gwilym has been feeling as of late, not with everything that has happened, only to peak yesterday night with Ben grinding up to him again. It makes Gwil's stomach turn once more and he closes his eyes, trying to calm down himself. He wants to be grown up about this, the adult he always pretends to be. So the only thing that will help him is talking to Ben. He needs him to understand that Gwil is not on board with pretending that their night in LA hasn’t happened and that they can continue just as friends. Especially not if Ben keeps up his weird way of flirting with him, or whatever his behaviour is supposed to be.

Because this doesn’t feel like a joke anymore. Not with the way they specifically egg him on, always him and never anybody else, and Ben can’t keep his hands to himself. He’ll have to talk to him, whether he wants to or not. He finishes his coffee, then gets up and grabs his helmet from the table in the hallway, heading outside to grab his bike. The ride will clear his head and the fresh air and exercise will do him good.

By the time he has arrived at Ben’s flat he’s a bit out of breath but the ride definitely helped him to calm down a bit. He’ll have to let Ben know that he has feelings for him and that he cannot continue like this, that the jokes hurt more than Gwil wants to let on. He locks up his bike and takes off his helmet as he makes his way to the door, taking a deep breath before he rings the bell.

“Gwil. Hi.” Ben smiles at him, though it’s clear that he is surprised to see him. “Were you in the neighbourhood?” Of course, it’s highly unlikely that Gwil just would hang around West London without any purpose. He doesn’t know any pubs or shops in the area. The only thing that usually brings him there is Ben.

“Not really.” He decides to answer honestly. This whole talk is going to be an honest one, so no point in starting it otherwise. “I came to see you.” He looks over his shoulder at his bike, chained to the fence. “Is it safe here like that?” He adds, as if he doesn’t ask that every time. 

“Yeah, sure. You know it is.” Ben steps aside and gestures into the house, closing the door behind them again after Gwil has entered. “Come on in. Do you want something to drink? Are you alright? You didn't say goodbye last night.”

“Well, you had Joe for company, so it can’t be too bad, right?” Gwil asks back, shaking his head. “But yeah, a water would be nice after the bike ride here.”

"Go and sit down already, I'll be with you in a sec." Ben points towards the living room and Gwil places his helmet on the shelf in the hallway before he makes his way into the living room. He awkwardly sits down on the couch and swipes his sweaty palms on his thighs, suddenly feeling a bit nervous. “And it would've been more fun with you, you know that. Joe is nice and all, but he’s so American.” Ben snickers as he walks into the living room as well, carrying to glasses and a bottle of water that he has tucked under his arm. “Although he’s got some nice dance moves.”

“Yeah, saw the dance moves on the video you uploaded,” Gwil answers, his voice falling a little flat. “Glad you had fun, though.” He takes a glass from Ben as soon as he’s finished pouring, trying to distract himself before he starts feeling bitter all over. That is not why he came over, to be snippy at Ben.

“I didn’t think you’ve seen it. Joe has been complaining about your lack of likes lately, too.” Ben chuckles softly and sits down next to Gwil, leaving a bit of distance between them as he takes the glass he’s poured for himself as well and takes a sip.

“Well, it’s not like you’re posting anything particularly nice for me, are you? I mean, hashtag make Gwil jealous?” Gwil asks, shaking his head. “Want me to cheer you on for joking about it and trampling on my feelings? Especially after last night?” He huffs bitterly. “Well, you can forget that.”

“What?” Ben stares at him. “That’s not... it’s meant to be funny.” His voice breaks a little and he clears his throat, obviously trying to collect himself. “What do you mean, after last night?”

Gwil flinches at the question, well aware that there’s no hiding this time and that Ben is catching it. “So you were so drunk that you remember me leaving without saying goodbye but you conveniently don’t remember coming on to me? Or did Joe distract you from that? Did you have a night you regret with him, too, but you both manage to ignore that better than I am and you’re just rubbing it in?” Gwil asks, voice sharp by now. This is turning ugly and he knows it, but Gwil is fucking hurt by how Ben is reacting, so he’s lashing out. 

“What?” Ben’s eyes widen a little, mouth hanging open for a moment as he processes Gwil’s words. “What the fuck? You think Joe and I...? The fuck, Gwil? That’s absurd.” He shakes his head and frowns, putting the glass down. “Look. I remember last night, obviously, but we said we wouldn’t... after the first night. We agreed that it was a mistake and I shouldn’t have come on to you again last night, you’re right. But I thought we could move past it again, without having to talk about it. It was stupid, I know. Especially after what I said after last time.”

“Yeah, pretty stupid,” Gwil agrees, bluntly. He has to be blunt, because otherwise Ben doesn’t seem to get it. “I’m not you, Ben. I can’t just move past it, pretend it never happened and then trample all over it and our friendship by just hitting on me. You’re treating me like a cheap hook-up!” He gets up from the couch, pacing a few steps. 

“I’m not... I...” Ben stammers and then his voice grows quiet. “Oh fuck. Gwil. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I swear that I didn’t. Our friendship means so much to me, too. I don't want to ruin it by being stupid or doing stupid things. I mean... in January, when we... had sex.” When Gwil looks at him, he’s wringing his hands together in his lap and staring down at them. “I didn’t know what to do. I thought when we pretended that it never happened it was the best we could do?” He looks up, careful and tentative, a frown on his face as his gaze comes to rest on Gwil’s.

Gwil huffs again. “Well, it wasn’t. But you didn’t give me a choice. You just decided to run away and then tell me we’ll never talk about it again. That’s that. Ben has spoken.” He paces away from Ben again, well aware he’s ranting by now and probably saying things Ben doesn’t want to hear. Well, tough luck, Ben has said things Gwil didn’t want to hear, either.

Ben gets up then as well, so he’s at least somewhat on Gwil's level. “What do you want from me then, Gwil? What is it? Because I can’t read your bloody mind, can I?”

“Well, I wanted my friend to be, you know, my friend. To talk to me,” Gwil admits. “But you haven’t talked to me outside the group in weeks now, ever since we had sex. And instead you go and shove it into everyone’s face how much fun it is to make jokes about yours and Joe’s relationship.”

“Well, I’m sorry for trying to figure myself out. I don’t go sleep with my friends on a regular basis, especially my male friends. So sorry for being a bit out of my depth here. Joking with Joe is easier than admitting that yeah, I’m bi. There, I’ve said it. Happy now?” Ben stares back at him, his eyebrows drawn together and his eyes wide.

“Fuck. No. No, I’m not happy,” Gwil answers hotly. “You tell me to my face how dumb it was to sleep with me and how you’re not interested in men ever no matter how good our night was to me and now you tell me ‘Hey, you know what, I figured out I like men, too, but just not you’ basically. It feels like a joke gone too far, a little experiment that helps you to figure out what you want.” He can feel he’s either close to yelling or close to tears, it’s hard to tell. “You know, if you considered me a friend, I thought you may have talked about it with me instead of shutting me out, you know?”

“It’s not just men in general, Gwil. It's you!” Ben’s voice has risen as well and he breathes deeply. “That’s my problem. That’s why I didn’t talk to you. Because I didn’t know how. You are my friend... Fuck.” He runs a hand through his hair and looks down, his shoulders slumping a little. “I just didn’t know what to do or how to figure this out and I just made it worse by shutting you out and dragging Joe into this mess, or not stopping him when he took it a step further. I’m sorry.” His voice grows quieter, barely more than a whisper in the end.

Gwil lets out a soft sigh. “We messed this up pretty badly, didn’t we?” He asks in a low voice, eyes fixed on Ben now as his mind runs wild at Ben’s revelation.

“Yeah.” Ben’s voice is still quiet and he is still not looking up. “I’m sorry, about everything, about deciding for you after we had sex. It wasn’t right and it wasn’t my place. And I’m sorry about all of the other things, if I... hurt you.”

With another soft sigh, Gwil shuffles a little closer to Ben, reaching out to rub a hand over Ben’s arm, carefully and tentative. “I’m sorry, too. I didn’t mean to snap at you,” he admits. “I came here to have a rational talk, not to pile my shit on you.”

Ben looks up at that and bites his lip. He lifts one shoulder in a slight shrug. “Just means you’ve carried that around for too long and bottled it up. We’re idiots.” He gives him a small smile. “I, um... what do we do now?”

“I think first of all we should hug,” Gwil offers with a wonky smile. “And then we should probably sit down and have a talk? Like, properly, not just throwing accusations and things at each other?”

Ben nods and immediately darts forward to throw himself practically into Gwil’s arms as he presses close and hides his face against Gwil’s shoulder. “A hug’s always a good idea.” His voice is quiet, mumbled into Gwil’s jumper.

“It is,” Gwil agrees, arms coming up to wrap around Ben properly and he hugs him a little tighter. He’s missed this, missed having Ben this close without it all being just for public or to edge Joe on or any other reason than just having a hug. The tension and anger is already melting out of him, he can tell, and he feels a little silly for the scene he just made.

He can feel Ben melt against him as well and Gwil just hugs him a little tighter at that, his hands coming to rub over Ben’s back. “We’re bloody stupid,” Ben whispers against his jumper but doesn’t move out of the hug. “I’m sorry for being an arsehole. You really didn’t deserve that.”

“You didn’t deserve a first time with a man that made you go running for the hills, either,” Gwil murmurs back and squeezes him softly, then finally moves back. “Come on. We should sit down and talk, properly.” He nods towards the couch, giving Ben a small smile. “Have a glass of water and then do that thing where we talk about feelings, you know?”

Ben nods as well. “Alright. Yeah.” He is the first to sit down, looking up at Gwil expectantly before he moves to take his place next to Ben, who takes a deep breath. “I just want you to know that the sex didn’t send me running for the hills. It was great, really. Everything I wanted and needed at the time. Me running away the next morning had nothing to do with the sex itself.”

“So.. just to make sure.. you actually enjoyed yourself and liked sex with a man.. with me?” Gwil asks, feeling a light blush creep up his cheeks.

Ben nods slowly. “Yes. I did.” He is blushing as well but he holds Gwil’s gaze. “It was great. I liked it. I liked it so much I freaked out the next day and ran away.” He licks over his lips before tugging the lower one between his teeth. “I liked it so much I wanted, want, to do it again.”

Gwil sucks in a breath at that, trying to calm down. Of course ever since that night it has been a dream of his to hear Ben say something along these lines, but the reality is something else, especially since his denial of the very first time they kind of talked about it left Gwil so deeply hurt. “That’s um...” He starts, then stops again. “Uh, good for you?” He finishes lamely, Ben’s words from earlier rushing back to mind, about him not liking men in general but Gwil specifically. 

Ben smiles sadly and looks down at his hands again, folded in his lap and he starts playing with his fingers, a nervous habit he has picked up. “Yeah, I guess.” He swallows and then looks up again. “I know that I’m not entitled to anything, especially not after what I said to you. But you... the way you reacted to everything and what you said before. You don’t want to put it off as one time thing either, do you?”

“I..” Gwil sighs. This is harder to talk about then he thought, but Ben’s careful phrasing makes him hopeful. “When I woke up that morning, I wanted nothing more than to have another round with you at least, if not the option for more than just that, the possibility of waking up together more often. But I woke up to an empty bed instead, no trace of you left, so I had to accept that none of that was an option and when you came to say all these things to me, I had to accept it never would be either.”

Ben’s hopeful expression turns a little gentler at that. “But you would still want more?”

“I’m not sure I can put myself out there,” Gwil admits after a moment of hesitation, thinking about what Ben is offering him right now. “If... you’re offering just another shag, a bit of fun, I’m not sure our friendship can survive another morning after. I mean, we barely made it this time.” He sighs softly. He wants more, of course he does, he’s in bloody love with Ben, but he’s more than scared of getting his heart broken and things going completely south.

Ben nods his eyes wide as he looks up at Gwil, searching for words. “What if... what if I wanted more than just another shag?” He is biting his lip, another nervous habit of his, and the look he gives Gwil is careful and tentative. 

Gwil can feel his heart rabbiting in his chest at that, Ben’s words making him hope, even if he doesn’t really dare to. “Then we’d talk. Properly. And decide if it has a chance to work out,” he finally answers, watching Ben carefully. 

Ben nods, not looking away from Gwil as he swallows, his throat working. “Do you think it has?” He looks so uncertain, making himself smaller than he is. “I’d like to think it has. We won’t know until we try, right?”

“Of course we won’t know until we try,” Gwil answers, reaching over to take Ben’s hand and give it a squeeze. “I’ll be frank with you and I hope you can do the same for me. I’d like a relationship. A proper one. Because not only you are my type when it comes to men, but because I know you, or thought I did, and I like you as you, as Ben. But I don’t want to be an experiment. If you want to go into this saying hey I just want to figure out if men do it for me, then I can’t. All in or all out. I can’t do an experimental friends with benefits thing with you, I already like you too much for that.” He’s putting himself out there with this, so much, he knows it, but despite all the bad feelings and things that happened between them, he still trusts Ben to at least let him down gently if he can’t give Gwil what he wants. 

Ben nods and shuffles closer to him, linking their fingers together as he does. “I wouldn’t do that to you. It’s all or nothing for me, too. I’m... I’m really not an one-night-stand kind of guy and I’m even worse at friends with benefits, so that’s not something I want to do. You mean too much for me to risk everything just for a bit of sex. And yeah, I’ve never been with a man before you, so I don’t know what I like. But I like you. And I want you. All or nothing.” He keeps Gwil’s gaze steadily, clearly determined to get his point across. 

Gwil squeezes Ben’s hand again at that. “So... all?” He knows that he sounds more hopeful than he wants to let on, his heart still beating rapidly. This really isn’t what he was expecting when he got on his bike to make his way through half of London to talk to Ben, and he’s not sure he’s processing everything right at the moment.

“All or nothing.” Ben nods and leans closer, his face hovering close to Gwil’s. “Can I kiss you?” When he nods slowly Ben finally leans in and bridges the distance between them, placing his lips on Gwil’s in a soft and tentative kiss. 

Gwil can’t help but smile into the kiss, keeping it soft and tender as he kisses back, bringing up one hand to cup Ben’s cheek. He pulls back a little, gently brushing his thumb back and forth as he takes Ben in. “So.. were dating now?” He asks, just having to make sure again. 

“Yeah, I guess we are. I would ask you if you want to be my plus one to the Oscars but you’ve got your own invitation.” Ben snickers a little and leans in for another peck. “We really are doing this. All in.” He smiles up at him, warm and tender and full of fondness that Gwil can’t help but smile back, a warm feeling spreading out in his chest. He really loves that man and he can’t believe that Ben wants him, too, especially after all of what they went through these last weeks, all of the drama.

“Well, I’d take you as my plus one, too.” Gwil brings his hand up into Ben’s neck, pulling him in for another kiss. At least they managed to talk about it before the Oscars, and before the long flight they’ll have to suffer through. It would have been weird to sit next to each other with things still unspoken between them. Now Gwil definitely is looking forward to flying to the Oscars together with Ben. Another thing Gwil can cross of his bucket list.

 

—

 

“Babe, stop wiggling around.” Gwil wraps his arm around Ben’s shoulders a little more; his hand moving down over Ben’s back to his side and finally squeezes his hip, trying to make him stop. They are crammed in Gwil’s seat on the plane, Ben on his lap, as they are about to film themselves singing to Radio Ga Ga while watching their own movie. It might be weird; but they are on their way to the bloody Oscars, they are allowed to sing along to their own movie.

Ben grins at him and bites his lip gently. He looks incredible; his blond curls tousled, like Gwil has had his hand in there. He did, before they got in the car that took them to the airport. “Sorry.”

“Your mouth may say one thing but your face says something entirely different.” Gwil laughs softly and brings his hand up, running his fingers gently through Ben’s hair. “Stop teasing me so much...”

“Mhm, but you like it when I tease you.” Ben leans closer to him, his lips ghosting over Gwil’s ear, sending a pleasant shiver down his spine.

Gwil hugs him a little tighter at that, his hand slipping down to Ben’s bum to give it a squeeze through the joggers he is wearing. “If you don’t stop teasing me, we’ll definitely join the mile high club, babe.”

“Promises, promises.” Ben snickers happily and leans his head against Gwil’s for a moment, before he pulls back and beams at him. “C’mon, we wanted to sing to Radio Ga Ga. Let’s be weird.”

Gwil laughs out loud at that and brings his hand up again to squeeze Ben’s shoulder. God, he loves that man, and he is glad they overcame their differences and the drama. It won’t be easy, because relationships never are. But Gwilym is sure that they’ll make it. If they made it through the mess of the last weeks they’ll make it through anything.


End file.
